365 Sex Positions

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Top 11 Health Benefits of Sex.

Regular sex cannot be underestimated as a factor for reducing stress, bolstering self-esteem and fostering feelings of intimacy and bonding between partners.

But the real point of this article is the fact that a healthy sex life can provide for a longer, healthier and, most would agree, more enjoyable life. Among the many health benefits of sex are:

1. Improved Immunity

People who have sex frequently (one or two times a week) have significantly higher levels of immunoglobulin A (IgA). Your IgA immune system is your body's first line of defense.

Its job is to fight off invading organisms at their entry points, reducing or even eliminating the need for activation of your body's immune system. This may explain why people who have sex frequently also take fewer sick days.

2. Heart Health

Men who made love regularly (at least twice a week) were 45 percent less likely to develop heart disease than those who did so once a month or less, according to one study.

Sexual activity not only provides many of the same benefits to your heart as exercise but also keeps levels of estrogen and testosterone in balance, which is important for heart health.

3. Lower Blood Pressure

Sexual activity, and specifically intercourse, is linked to better stress response and lower blood pressure.

4. It's a Form of Exercise

Sex helps to boost your heart rate, burn calories and strengthen muscles, just like exercise. In fact, research recently revealed that sex burns about 4 calories a minute for men and 3 for women, making it (at times) a 'significant' form of exercise. It can even help you to maintain your flexibility and balance.

5. Pain Relief

Sexual activity releases pain-reducing hormones and has been found to help reduce or block back and leg pain, as well as pain from menstrual cramps, arthritis and headaches. One study even found that sexual activity can lead to partial or complete relief of headache in some migraine and cluster-headache patients.

6. May Help Reduce Risk of Prostate Cancer

Research has shown that men who ejaculate at least 21 times a month (during sex or masturbation) have a lower risk of prostate cancer. This link needs to be explored further, however, as there may have been additional factors involved in the association.

7. Improve Sleep

After sex, the relaxation-inducing hormone prolactin is released, which may help you to nod off more quickly. The "love hormone" oxytocin, released during orgasm, also promotes sleep.

8. Stress Relief

Sex triggers your body to release its natural feel-good chemicals, helping to ease stress and boost pleasure, calm and self-esteem. Research also shows that those who have sexual intercourse responded better when subjected to stressful situations like speaking in public.

9. Boost Your Libido

The more often you have sex, the more likely you are to want to keep doing it. There's a mental connection there but also a physical one, particularly for women. More frequent sex helps to increase vaginal lubrication, blood flow and elasticity, which in turn make sexual activity more enjoyable.

10. Improved Bladder Control in Women

Intercourse helps to strengthen your pelvic floor muscles, which contract during orgasm. This can help women to improve their bladder control and avoid incontinence. You can boost this benefit even more by practicing Kegel exercises during sex (a Kegel squeeze is performed by drawing your lower pelvic muscles up and holding them up high and tight, as if you're trying to stop a flow of urine).

11. Increase Intimacy and Improve Your Relationship

Sex and orgasms result in increased levels of the hormone oxytocin -- the "love" hormone -- that helps you feel bonded to your partner, and better experience empathic connections.

What is Human Sexuality?

Make-up of an individual’s unique sexual being:

• Physical
• Psychological 
• Social
• Cultural
• Spiritual

Five features of sexuality:

• Sensuality 
• Intimacy
• Sexual Identity 
• Reproduction 
• Sexualization

SENSUALITY: awareness and acceptance of our own body

• knowledge of anatomy & physiology 
• understanding sexual response
• body image
• satisfaction of skin hunger 
• attraction template
• fantasy

INTIMACY: experiencing emotional closeness to another

• caring 
• sharing 
• risk taking 
• vulnerability 
• self disclosure

SEXUAL IDENTITY: process of discovering who we are in terms of sexuality

• gender roles 
• orientation 
• self esteem& confidence level 
• relationships with family &friends 
• roles as child & adult 
• perception of self as male/female

REPRODUCTION: values, attitudes & behaviors relating to reproduction

• contraception & fertility issues 
• lifestyles 
• STIs (including AIDS) 
• anatomy &physiology
• morality issues 

SEXUALIZATION: use of sexuality to influence, control or manipulate

• style of dress 
• appearance & body language 
• advertising 
• movies, talk shows &media 
• harassment & sexual assault 
• paraphilias (voyeurism, exhibitionism…)

Sexual pleasure: myth and fact

Before reflecting on the special characters of commercial sex, it is necessary to become aware of the three myths behind the claim on universally abusive nature of prostitution. Firstly, it is based on the belief that usually private sex is pleasurable (for a woman) when commercial sex is not. Quoting Carole Pateman (1988, 198) ”prostitution is the use of a woman’s body by a man for his own satisfaction. There is no desire or satisfaction on the part of the prostitute.” Secondly, it assumes that satisfying sex is not possible (for a woman) without emotional affection (Barry 1979 & Dworkin 1987).

The empirical material questions these myths. Even if sexual desire is not self-evident, either in private or commercial relationships, still most of the interviewees say that pleasure and orgasms are one part of their work. Sexual pleasure isn’t the main point but it’s still there: very rarely do you meet a prostitute who is seriously addicted to sex or one who finds sex repellent.

Of course sex workers probably have as much heterogeneity in relation to their sexual pleasure as people in general. Some limit it clearly to the area of private relationships while others only to commercial sex. Maija feels that she is responsible for the satisfaction of her customers but in her private sex she lets men satisfy her, she is ”totally selfish”. Sirkka considers that sex could be more enjoyable in a commercial context because when the man has to pay for the sex he values it more highly.

In Mari-Elina Laukkanen’s study (1998, 61) of male prostitutes she noticed that while some of the men worked for money,  some of them were mostly motivated by their own sexual pleasure. ”That’s why the hustler is not only the object of consuming customers, he is also the consuming subject as well. Paying customers ensure him a varying and never ending playground of sexual fantasies.” Similar motives for sex work was found in interviews with Swedish homosexual male prostitutes (Eriksson & Knutagård 2005, 35-36).

In my material sexual pleasure and making money more commonly exist side by side in the same interview as in Laukkanen’s study, but the same hedonism is still present. Even Taru, who stresses how prostitution is only a matter of income for her, says that there was a time when pleasure was a very important motivation to work. A few years later she faced many disappointments in her private life and decided to satisfy her desires exclusively by using customers:

…Then I decided to start using [men] just for sexual satisfaction. If I do it anyway and get money from it, then I can also take my pleasure from it. And I succeeded in it so well that I really began to see men only as a walking piece of meat or something. That they can give to woman nothing else than sex. (Taru)

Its also quite common that the pleasure found in sex work could be very variable for an individual: Kaarina says that her own enjoyment is dependent on how she relates to the customer. Lilja told me that at the time she was using amphetamines, she was ”awfully hooked on sex” with clients. Tiuku started as a sex worker by taking customers only when she missed sex. Later she kept a professional distance from her own pleasure in commercial relationships:

It isn’t a pure business relationship. At first it was very clear, that clients were there for me and my desires. I mean, I satisfied my desires with clients. (Tiuku)

There is a wide range of experiences. In light of my material, getting an orgasm is just one of many ways to find enjoyment. Sexual pleasure can mean all those sensations, reactions and acts which people conceive as sexual and which produce pleasure at a physical, mental or spiritual level. Some sex workers link their own sexual pleasure with almost every act with clients; while for others it’s more like a memorable exception. Even if we remember that perhaps the most common rating for clients or acts would be ”indifferent”, it is possible to see that there are no clear cut distinctions between private and commercial sex in relation to prostitutes’ sexual pleasure. It is true that sex workers make the distinction between work and private life but my material do not support (compared with eg. Teela Sanders 2002, 561 who does) the claim that the distinction is made by placing pleasure and emotions mostly in private relationships. 

Contrary to some of the most common myths, also women can enjoy commercial sex and often without any emotional affection. If it is not the sexual satisfaction, then what is the difference between private and commercial sex? My interpretation is that the more important divide is the way sex workers value sexual pleasure. While it is not so important in commercial sex, successful private sex usually presupposes that it is enjoyable for both. In sex work, a different set of criteria need to be applied. Even if a prostitute’s sexual pleasure was a part of commercial sex, it is not the determining criterion. And even if prostitutes usually considered orgasm positively, it isn’t self-evident that it constitutes on ideal act for a prostitute:

They say that prostitution is easy money. So, once I had a trick who didn’t come whatever I did. It took two and half hours of sucking before he came. Well, it wasn’t so bad, I had three orgasms and got three hundred euros, but still. You should suck a dick two and half hours and then come and tell me it is easy money. Thank God he was so small that my jaws didn’t get tired out. (Minna)

This is the crucial difference when we compare commercial and private sex from the perspective of the sex worker. Even if these two acts look the same and both are called sex, for the sex worker they are two different practices: sex as work and sex as joy.

Commercial sex in Finland

My material is collected in Finland where the high level of social security benefits puts prostitutes into a relatively good position. Because every citizen is guaranteed a certain standard of living, forced prostitution is rare. Most of the prostitutes work as independent call girls –  considered in many countries as elite sex workers (O’Connel Davidson 1998, 88). Thanks to the free education, sex workers usually stay in business less than five years.

However, there are also in Finland whole groups of sex workers who don’t have clear control over their work. The field of prostitution is divided ethnically: the Finns offer traditional sex services (incalls/outcalls) and special services, the Thais offer erotic massage and the Russians and Estonians visiting Finland usually offer only traditional sex services. Because Russian sex workers usually do not speak Finnish, they are not capable of answering the telephone and thereby screening their customers. And when they have to work under the threat of deportation and can’t trust the protection of the police, they have a much higher probability of facing violence and getting robbed than their Finnish or Estonian colleagues. (Kontula 2005.)

As the new communication technology is becoming more and more common and changes are being made in legislation (eg. Criminalizing soliciting, making foreign prostitutes liable to deportation), the internet is gradually replacing streets, restaurants and newspapers as a way of finding customers. The parties of Finnish prostitution use the Internet in many ways. Apart from the advertising of services, both customers and sex workers have discussion channels, together and separately. Prostitutes have a common “black list” for the telephone numbers of unwanted clients. There are also some customers and sex workers who write a web diary about commercial acts they have experienced[1].

Currently, there are some eight thousand prostitutes working in Finland each year, half of them Finns and the majority working part-time. On a daily basis, about a quarter, and during the year one third of them work with or under the control of a pimp[2]. A proportion of prostitution is associated with serious social problems such as crime, poverty, social marginalization and drug abuse. Those all exist in Finland but not on a large scale. The beginning of substitution treatment has cut down the proportion of injecting drug users in prostitution. Safe sex is common in commercial relationships

7 Tips For Being An Awesome Husband

TIP 1: Do Not Talk To Her As If She Is One of The Guys.

Listen to guy buddies talk about anything for more than five minutes and you likely will hear one of them let the other know that he is an idiot. When men talk with their male friends, they tend to be direct or even argumentative. They share their opinions freely and bluntly. They jokingly insult each other. They blast anything the other guy says that they do not like or agree with. They rarely stop to think, “Am I being insensitive? Could I possibly be hurting his feelings?” The guy code is to let the chips fall where they may.

Women are NOT like that.

If a husband talks with his wife in the same manner he talks with his buddies, his directness, bluntness, or argumentativeness may well cause her to feel disrespected or controlled. He thinks he is being honest and forthright. She feels he is being a jerk.

If you really want to be a better husband, understand that women speak a different language. Unless you learn to speak that language, you will never communicate on the deeper levels with her.

TIP 2: Make Sure That She Does Not Perceive You As Controlling.

The most common complaint we hear from women in our workshops for marriages in crisis is that their husbands try to control them. Interestingly, the husband usually counters with his view that she is the controlling one.

Eyes open and behavior changes only when each person realizes that his or her motive is NOT the most important thing; it is what the other person perceives that matters. In marriages in which the man actually is controlling, he typically has no clue that he is because that is not his conscious intent. By speaking his mind, criticizing her when she does not comply with his thinking, and arguing with her to get his point across, he believes he is treating her well. There is no motive to hurt. He may actually believe his intent is to help.

Many wives finally give up and give in when that happens. The husband may think he convinced her to view things his way. Most of the time, it is anything but that. Tired of the conflict and feeling she is being treated as an inferior, she yields simply to stop the conflict. That builds resentment within her and with time, resentment detonates. In a non-published survey of married couples done in 2008, 21% of wives stated that their satisfaction with their husbands as a mate had decreased because he is controlling, disrespectful, and argues. 

To make sure your wife does NOT feel that you control her, concentrate on her feelings about what you say and do. If she genuinely feels that you treat her as your equal, you are doing it correctly.

TIP 3: Romance Is What She Really Wants.

In the same survey referred to above, 27% of wives stated that their level of sexual satisfaction had decreased because their husbands were not romantic, and that sex had become routine and boring. 

While humans – both male and female – have need for sexual fulfillment, it appears that men may be more satisfied by the frequency of sex, but women may be more satisfied by the emotional relationship in sex. To be a better husband, think about becoming a Don Juan for your wife. Court her. Think of new and different scenarios that PRECEDE your sexual interaction. Make her feel wonderful about herself and make sex exciting not just by technique, but also by touching her heart first. 

TIP 4: Listening Is The Key To Her Heart.

Few people – men or women – feel that anyone truly listens to them. If you wish to change the way your wife perceives you, increase her sexual satisfaction, and become in her mind the best man on earth, listen to her.

That means that you do not interrupt her with your stories, your thoughts on what she just said, or by changing the subject. Listen to her heart as well as her words. As she talks ask yourself, “What is she feeling as she tells me this?” Even more importantly, ask yourself, “What is the message she really wants me to hear?” Once she knows that you are genuinely interested in her views, thoughts, and feelings, you can actually ask her those questions. However, do NOT ask them until you know that she knows that you are trying to understand her, not correct her.

This one thing can change you into a better husband in one month: Each day spend at least a half-hour just listening to your wife talk. Turn off the TV, cellphones, and radios. Find a place where there are no distractions, including interruptions from your children. Look directly into her eyes, and then ask a couple questions to get her started. Comment only if she asks, or if you want better to understand something she just said. Show her that you enjoy hearing her talk, no matter how trivial the subject, because it helps you understand her better and love her more.

TIP 5: Time Matters.

The old adage – which is not that old – that “quality time is more important than quantity of time” is ridiculous. Allowing work, hobbies, or other interests to keep you from spending time with your wife will, with time, deaden emotions.

You may have heard “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” From my experience with thousands of couples, I think the more accurate axiom is “absence makes the heart grow fonder for someone else.”

Make time just for the two of you. It will not happen if you do not make it happen. Plan it and do it.

TIP 6: Be Her Support, Not Her Father.

The next time your wife comes home complaining about how someone treated her, do NOT tell her what she should have done, tell her what she should do, or offer to go deal with the problem yourself. Instead, listen, understand what she feels, and then give her the “poor baby.”

The “poor baby” is just what it sounds like. Let her know she has a right to feel hurt and that you are sorry it happened to her.

Unless she asks your opinion, or asks you to deal with the problem, do NOT offer to do so. You are not her father; you are her husband. Treat her as your equal. If she complains about a situation, your job is to listen, let her know you are on HER side (even if you think she did not handle things correctly, or that it was her fault) and that you are always there to support her. More than likely, she wants to forget the incident, but she needs validation that she has a right to feel hurt or angry. Give it to her.

TIP 7: Keep Growing.

No husband or wife reaches perfection in his or her roles. There will be plenty of times throughout your marriage when you will make mistakes, say the wrong thing, or leave your dirty underwear lying on the bedroom floor. It happens to the best of husbands. But it is important to not let those moments of blunders define your marriage. Use every opportunity you can to continue to grow closer to your wife and learn more about her wants, needs, desires, and aspirations. Keep learning and growing. Just like a fine wine or aged cheese, marriage gets better over the years. (Collected)

See also: 8 Ways to Make Sex More Fun