7 Tips For Being An Awesome Husband

TIP 1: Do Not Talk To Her As If She Is One of The Guys.

Listen to guy buddies talk about anything for more than five minutes and you likely will hear one of them let the other know that he is an idiot. When men talk with their male friends, they tend to be direct or even argumentative. They share their opinions freely and bluntly. They jokingly insult each other. They blast anything the other guy says that they do not like or agree with. They rarely stop to think, “Am I being insensitive? Could I possibly be hurting his feelings?” The guy code is to let the chips fall where they may.

Women are NOT like that.

If a husband talks with his wife in the same manner he talks with his buddies, his directness, bluntness, or argumentativeness may well cause her to feel disrespected or controlled. He thinks he is being honest and forthright. She feels he is being a jerk.

If you really want to be a better husband, understand that women speak a different language. Unless you learn to speak that language, you will never communicate on the deeper levels with her.

TIP 2: Make Sure That She Does Not Perceive You As Controlling.

The most common complaint we hear from women in our workshops for marriages in crisis is that their husbands try to control them. Interestingly, the husband usually counters with his view that she is the controlling one.

Eyes open and behavior changes only when each person realizes that his or her motive is NOT the most important thing; it is what the other person perceives that matters. In marriages in which the man actually is controlling, he typically has no clue that he is because that is not his conscious intent. By speaking his mind, criticizing her when she does not comply with his thinking, and arguing with her to get his point across, he believes he is treating her well. There is no motive to hurt. He may actually believe his intent is to help.

Many wives finally give up and give in when that happens. The husband may think he convinced her to view things his way. Most of the time, it is anything but that. Tired of the conflict and feeling she is being treated as an inferior, she yields simply to stop the conflict. That builds resentment within her and with time, resentment detonates. In a non-published survey of married couples done in 2008, 21% of wives stated that their satisfaction with their husbands as a mate had decreased because he is controlling, disrespectful, and argues. 

To make sure your wife does NOT feel that you control her, concentrate on her feelings about what you say and do. If she genuinely feels that you treat her as your equal, you are doing it correctly.

TIP 3: Romance Is What She Really Wants.

In the same survey referred to above, 27% of wives stated that their level of sexual satisfaction had decreased because their husbands were not romantic, and that sex had become routine and boring. 

While humans – both male and female – have need for sexual fulfillment, it appears that men may be more satisfied by the frequency of sex, but women may be more satisfied by the emotional relationship in sex. To be a better husband, think about becoming a Don Juan for your wife. Court her. Think of new and different scenarios that PRECEDE your sexual interaction. Make her feel wonderful about herself and make sex exciting not just by technique, but also by touching her heart first. 

TIP 4: Listening Is The Key To Her Heart.

Few people – men or women – feel that anyone truly listens to them. If you wish to change the way your wife perceives you, increase her sexual satisfaction, and become in her mind the best man on earth, listen to her.

That means that you do not interrupt her with your stories, your thoughts on what she just said, or by changing the subject. Listen to her heart as well as her words. As she talks ask yourself, “What is she feeling as she tells me this?” Even more importantly, ask yourself, “What is the message she really wants me to hear?” Once she knows that you are genuinely interested in her views, thoughts, and feelings, you can actually ask her those questions. However, do NOT ask them until you know that she knows that you are trying to understand her, not correct her.

This one thing can change you into a better husband in one month: Each day spend at least a half-hour just listening to your wife talk. Turn off the TV, cellphones, and radios. Find a place where there are no distractions, including interruptions from your children. Look directly into her eyes, and then ask a couple questions to get her started. Comment only if she asks, or if you want better to understand something she just said. Show her that you enjoy hearing her talk, no matter how trivial the subject, because it helps you understand her better and love her more.

TIP 5: Time Matters.

The old adage – which is not that old – that “quality time is more important than quantity of time” is ridiculous. Allowing work, hobbies, or other interests to keep you from spending time with your wife will, with time, deaden emotions.

You may have heard “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” From my experience with thousands of couples, I think the more accurate axiom is “absence makes the heart grow fonder for someone else.”

Make time just for the two of you. It will not happen if you do not make it happen. Plan it and do it.

TIP 6: Be Her Support, Not Her Father.

The next time your wife comes home complaining about how someone treated her, do NOT tell her what she should have done, tell her what she should do, or offer to go deal with the problem yourself. Instead, listen, understand what she feels, and then give her the “poor baby.”

The “poor baby” is just what it sounds like. Let her know she has a right to feel hurt and that you are sorry it happened to her.

Unless she asks your opinion, or asks you to deal with the problem, do NOT offer to do so. You are not her father; you are her husband. Treat her as your equal. If she complains about a situation, your job is to listen, let her know you are on HER side (even if you think she did not handle things correctly, or that it was her fault) and that you are always there to support her. More than likely, she wants to forget the incident, but she needs validation that she has a right to feel hurt or angry. Give it to her.

TIP 7: Keep Growing.

No husband or wife reaches perfection in his or her roles. There will be plenty of times throughout your marriage when you will make mistakes, say the wrong thing, or leave your dirty underwear lying on the bedroom floor. It happens to the best of husbands. But it is important to not let those moments of blunders define your marriage. Use every opportunity you can to continue to grow closer to your wife and learn more about her wants, needs, desires, and aspirations. Keep learning and growing. Just like a fine wine or aged cheese, marriage gets better over the years. (Collected)

See also: 8 Ways to Make Sex More Fun

10 Sex Positions That Replace the Gym

Lifting weights isn't the only way to boost strength. Making love can build certain muscles, depending on how creative you get with your positions. Two experts—Madeline Castellanos, MD, a sex therapist in New York City, and Vanessa Castro, a certified personal trainer in Miami—offer tips on which ones to try. Since hitting the gym costs money, these free workout options give you the most bang for no bucks (and we think your guy will be more than happy to help you meet your fitness goals).  

1. Quads: Get into the cowgirl position and then turn it into more of a frog position. It may not sound sexy, but it's effective! You're on top, but rather than rest your knees on the bed, rest your feet on the bed, says Dr. Castellanos. As you move up and down, the position essentially becomes a low squat, which largely targets the quads (the front thigh muscles). You can even move forward and backward to work that muscle group more and burn extra calories.

2. Chest: You probably already know what doggy-style means, but in case you need a refresher: You're on your hands and knees and he's behind you (either kneeling on the bed or standing next to it). This position forces you to work your upper body, because you have to use your arms to support yourself. To challenge yourself during penetration, "lower your shoulders and do a push-up" says Castro. Tip: This may be easier to pull off on the floor if your bed is too soft.  

3. Glutes and hamstrings: For this move, get yourself into a lunge position, suggests Dr. Castellanos. Picture this: He's sitting on a couch or sturdy chair and you're on top, with your left foot on the sofa and your right foot on the ground. You'll work your left glute and your right hamstring. When you're halfway there, switch your legs, so you'll work both sides of your body evenly. If the chair is high and you have to stand on your tippy-toes, you'll work your calves, too.

4. Lower Abs: In lotus, face your man and sit on top of him. In this intimate pose that involves deep eye contact and kissing, your arms and legs are wrapped tightly around his back and his arms and legs are wrapped tightly around your back. Channel your inner belly dancer, says Dr. Castellanos, and use your lower abs to pull your pelvis up and down. If you've ever taken ballet or a barre exercise class, you know that small movements can have huge results. 

5. Triceps: Once you've mastered the lotus position, which primarily works the lower abs, turn that move up a notch. In lotus lean, you are in the same position, except instead of wrapping your arms around your guy's back, lean back and place the palms of your hands flat onto the bed with your fingers facing your buttocks. This variation works more of your arms and if you bend your elbows, "it's like doing a tricep dip," says Dr. Castellanos.  

6. Hip flexors: Try the scissors pose. You're both lying on your sides. If your guy is on his right side and you're on your left side, instead of resting your right leg on top of his torso, raise it to a 30- to 40-degree angle, Dr. Castellanos suggests, and hold it there for as long as you can to work your right hip flexor. The next time you have sex, switch sides. This is considered isometric exercise because you're not moving your muscle (like when you do bicep curls)—you're holding it still (like during a plank). 

7. Upper abs: This legs-up position requires a decent amount of hamstring flexibility, so to warm up, touch your toes a few times beforehand. Lie on your back and put the backs of your thighs against your guy's chest. You can either stick your feet straight into the air or bend them over your guy's back, depending on what's most comfortable for you. Then lift up your head and shoulders into a crunch during sex, recommends Dr. Castellanos, which will tone your tummy and blast away belly fat.

8. Deltoids: Think of this move as doggy-style with a twist. You're on all fours on the bed and he's standing behind you, next to the bed. Then he grabs your upper thighs, lifts both of your legs up into the air and holds them wheelbarrow-style while he thrusts. Instead of supporting yourself mostly with your upper body, you'll be supporting yourself only with your upper body, so it's an excellent workout for your deltoids (shoulders). "It feels like suspension training, like TRX," says Castro. 

9. Glutes: If you don't want to try anything that's super acrobatic, try something that's somewhat simple and keeps you very stable by pumping up good old-fashioned missionary sex with the arch. When lying on your back, keep your head and shoulders on the bed (ideally on a soft pillow), says Castro, and then target your glutes by raising your behind as high as you can and holding it there for as long as you can. After a few seconds, you are sure to feel the burn. 

10. Total Body: Once you've gotten the hang of the arch, (see #9 above), try an advanced version called the bridge, which Castro says works even more muscles. Raise your behind again, but this time, use your arms to lift your head and shoulders off the ground too, making a horizontal line with your torso that's parallel to the bed. It's like a plank, only you're facing the ceiling instead of the ground. This single move will target muscles in both the upper and lower body, including the glutes, abs, biceps, triceps and deltoids. Source. See also 8 Ways to Make Sex More Fun